DigitalSandbox

Having kids changes your life in ways that you can’t possibly imagine. Everybody tells you this as you are expecting your first child. The problem is that you can’t fully appreciate this until they arrive, and by then its too late.

There are a lot of things I took for granted in my days B.C. (Before Children). But one item has been on mind mind lately, and so I bring you Ode to the Snooze Button.

Allow me to share with you how my days begin now in the days A.C. (After Children). I will sleeping, as is my custom after feeding Thing 2 (or helping feed Thing 2 while The Wife changes his diaper) at 3:00 AM, to be awakened by the approach of Thing 1. I check the clock to see if today is the day I have been waiting for. 5:03 AM, toady is not the day. That day shall only come when I see 7:00 AM or greater on the clock.

The Wife and I are still very tired so we try to ignore Thing 1, hoping that he will go and play with his toys or something. We hope he will do this and come back later. Around 7:00 AM would be great. Of course Thing 1 has other plans. What these are we can’t really say as he more or less refuses to enlighten us. When we don’t leap out of bed to join him in his plans (which we have no idea what they are) he proceeds with Phase 2.

Phase 2 is to annoy us to the point that we will get out of bed and join him in his plans. This is usually accomplished with healthy dose of whining. Of course, this is no ordinary whining. We are talking Jim-Carey-most-annoying-sound-in-the-world type whining. Well maybe not that bad, but it sure seems like it at 5:00 AM. And here is where I really, really, REALLY miss my old friend the snooze button.

If kids had snooze buttons life would be great. When Thing 1 begins Phase 2, I could just push his snooze button and he and The Wife and I could all get a few more hours of sleep. Come to think of it, kids cold really use a sleep button, too. Just push the sleep button during story time at night and let him drift off to sleep as I read to him. But that is a story for another time.

It is funny to think that I used to hate my alarm clock in my days B.C. I dreaded the alarm clock in the morning. Always waking me with its soothing music. And don’t even get me started on the hour that it chose to wake me at. I mean can you beleive it would insist on starting that cursed soothing music at 7:00 AM. Of all the nerve. I had to use the snooze button just to get some peace and quiet in the morning.

I suppose that the Things will eventually grow out of this stage and I will get more sleep. Maybe one day, I will look at the clock and see 7:30 AM. Parents of older children assure me that the day will come that I won’t be able to get them out of bed. Intellectually, I know all of this is true. I just wish that I could use the snooze button until then.